I had a lot of plans leading up to Nathan’s birth. The kind of mother and parent I’d be, the routines we’d have; I had a crystal clear idea of what was expected of me as a Christian mother, and intended to fit myself and my son into a neat little box with perfect precision.
Or so I thought.
Everyone who is a parent knows how life-shifting and truly shocking the entrance of a newborn is to your life. My husband and I took a big hit – we had no idea what was coming, no real way to prepare but to take things as it came and survived. And we did – we all did. Phew!
My biggest plan for Nathan was that I was going to be the mum who stayed home with him. Not finding fulfillment in any pursuit other than nurturing, discipling, guiding and enjoying my children. Turns out though, Nathan had other plans. From the time he was only a couple of months old, it didn’t take long for him to become a grumpy, cranky, always-crying baby whenever it was just me and him at home. I thought he’d love staying home with me, his mother; but oftentimes he would only calm if friends or family visited.
This caused me so much stress, and grew such tension between Nathan and I. I couldn’t handle him whining and moaning all day, every day any longer, so, at one point we trialed him visiting day care – but only for a few hours, once a week. And my gosh. Did he LOVE that!
He came home, and was QUIET. He was happy. Happy to play with his toys by himself. Happy to just be a bit placid. Happy even to see me when I went to pick him up!
It was such a shift in dynamics for us. And since then, we’ve gradually increased how often he goes (2-3 days a week, with 1 of those being a half-day), which has freed up some time for me to go back to part time work to help support our family (daycare isn’t cheap, after all!). Now, when Nathan and I do have time at home together, instead of being just forced quantity time, it’s truly quality time; we’re both having fun and are able to enjoy ourselves and each other because both he and I are having all of our needs met (his super-extrovertedness is all my fault, I’ll admit).
I also realised that the stereotype-pressure I placed on myself wasn’t from God at all; but a false fulfillment and reliance on my works similar to what the Galatians struggled with. And besides, the Proverbs 31 woman is described as very industrious; working both inside and outside the home, committed to the welfare of her family.
Whether a mother works in employment or works in the home, she’s working for her family; the labour of her heart and hands are the fruit of her devotion and love. I’m so glad I chose to accept who Nathan is and do right by him and what he needs, instead of trying to expect some picture-perfect standard of what I believe we should be doing together.
Praise be to God for directing me unto wisdom, for His everlasting faithfulness and joy in my life, and my son’s. In Christ, I need only obey His command to love my children, to be wise, faithful, diligent in prayer, and showing them an example of the One who frees me from all worldly and ungodly pressure.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.“
“So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith“
Galatians 1:10, 3:26